Forgive and Let Live
by Shadeful
Summary: Forgiveness is difficult. Ron and Hermione both know it. Tent one shot


**AN: oh hey**

Forgive and Let Live

She could cut through the tension with a knife. Hermione Granger was in close proximity to a certain Ron Weasley. She could feel his heat radiating off of him. She wanted so badly to touch him and feel his heat. He was lying about four feet away from her in his bunk and judging by his breathing, he was asleep. She aches for him. These past few days have been hell for the three of them. Constant moodiness plagued them all, particularly Ron. Whenever Ron wore the locket, she tended to avoid him. She learned that after she was crying for her parents one night and he didn't even bother to comfort her. She knew there was something wrong with him after that. He snapped at her relentlessly, complaining about the living conditions. Yet she still aches for him. She wanted what they previously had. That small connection. That glimmer of hope in a cruel world. She was certain he was going to kiss her the night of Bill's wedding but yet he held back. There was unspoken tension in the tent between the three of them. Harry and Ron barely talked to each other besides to complain about something. The tension was most prevalent with her and Ron though. Stuck in the confines of a small tent, her hormones had run amuck. She started to imagine her and Ron in intimate embraces day in and day out. She imagined his large hands grazing her skin in an intimate way that was not so innocent. His crystal blue eyes bored into her soul every time he looked at her. Occasionally she thought that he felt the tension too but as he broke their eye contact, she felt coldness creep at her insides.

"He doesn't love you" she said to herself. She looked at him in his bunk, his slightly dirty red hair peeking out from the blanket. He shivered in his sleep which gave Hermione goosebumps down her spine. She tried not to think of him but when living in such close quarters with someone you tend to think of them all the time. The other day, he bumped into her while she was serving him tea. She felt her skin tingle at the contact. He must have felt it to because he cautiously coughed. Hermione just wanted him. Just him. Sod this war. She just wants him.

It wasn't just lust though. She remembered their shared moments in the library in secret when Harry wasn't around. She remembered his crooked smile that she hasn't seen in such a long time. She remembered the way he looked at her, the look of admiration and… possibility love? Hermione shook her head. It would do no good to think of these things; it would just make her more upset. Upset at the loss of these things. She hasn't seen Ron smile in weeks. His crooked smirk haunted her dreams. She sighed as she tore her eyes away from Ron's bunk.

His world felt grey. Every moment of the day was accompanied by a small murmur in the back of his mind, whispering things. _You're worthless. She doesn't love you. They don't need you. How could anyone love someone like you? _He ignored them most of the time but as the days went by he could feel the words chipping away at his heart like a chisel on marble.

It was a gloomy day, not unusual though. Harry spent his time brooding while Hermione repeatedly read The Tales of Beetle the Bard, hoping for answers. It was all hopeless. They were as close to killing Voldemort as they were when they were 11. It was only a couple of weeks after the ministry incident and Ron still had not recovered fully. Hermione could sense by the way he winced at slight movements and his deathly pale complexion. He refused to admit to it though. Even as cold as he was at the moment, Ron still didn't want anyone to worry about him.

Hermione was going over her notes when she heard footsteps from the next room. Just from the sound of footsteps, she knew it was Ron. He looked dreadful today. His face was gaunt and he looked bonier than ever. A pang of guilt courses through her as she knew he was physically suffering the most out of any of them and it was all her fault. She watched him as he shuffled through the doorway and sat down in the chair across from her.

"Good morning" she said, trying to appear cheerful, though the cheeriness never reached her eyes. "Do you want some tea?"

He shook his head. He looked down at his watch and grew even paler.

As if on schedule, Harry burst through the tent.

"Here. It's your turn" he said as he handed the locket to Ron.

Ron slowly took the locket from Harry's hand, giving Harry great annoyance.

"Can't you move any faster?" Harry snapped.

Ron didn't say a word as he threw the locket over his neck. Harry rolled his eyes and walked off to the outside of the tent.

Hermione noticed the fear in Ron's eyes when he took the locket from Harry. She saw that his eyes haven't had joy in them.

"Ron?" she asked. He looked up to her which sent shivers down her spine. His eyes were crystal blue as they usually were but for some reason they looked like ice. She nervously looked away from his eyes.

"Are you feeling alright?"

"M'fine" he muttered, the first word he had said to her today.

"It's just that you've been looking awfully ill lately. You know you can always talk about it to us if you want" she said.

"Bloody Hell Hermione I said I'm fine!" he retorted angrily.

Her mouth opened and then closed as she thought of what to say.

"I was just worried about you"

"Well don't be" he snapped. "You're not my mother so stop babying me. Not that anyone cares about my mother or anyone in my family."

"Of course we care Ron!"

"Do you? It seems like I'm the only one who seems to give a flying fuck about anyone except myself around here! My family is out there in danger and we're just wasting our time.

"I care a lot! Did you forget that my parents are in danger too?"

He snorted. "Not quite the same. They're in a different fucking country and they don't even know who they even are!"

Hermione's face darkened with his words. She felt tears building up. She abruptly stood up and worked away, not in the mood to deal with Ron any longer.

He watched her as she left, with a pang of sadness and guilt. He hated seeing her upset. _She doesn't think anything of you other than just another homework assignment. _He closed his eyes and tried to envision his many times with Hermione at the Burrow or at Hogwarts, but the harder he thought, the more insecurities came floating to the surface. _She's not really your friend. She just wants to get closer to the Chosen One. You're nothing to her. _He felt a tear stream down his face.

—

He came back. He really came back, she thought, and she had just punched him across the face. He deserved it though, she internally said to her herself albeit with a pang of guilt. After his monologue about the deluminator, she turned away. Angry was not enough to describe her feelings. He abandoned them. Abandoned her. She thought nothing but of insults to hurl at him.

"Rack your brains Ron, that should only take a couple of seconds," she said. He looked to her and she saw the hurt in his crystal blue eyes and she almost felt sorry for what she had just said. The hurt quickly dissolved as if it had never happened. She turned away and got into her bunk, her mind racing and her heart conflicted. She was happy he was back but at the same time she wished he never came back and that she would never see him again. Her thoughts drifted her off into sleep.

The next few days were painfully cordial. Ron was overall polite and volunteered to do everything he could. Harry had seemed to forgive him for some reason and the two were getting along swimmingly, as if the past few months had never happened. She knew Harry loved Ron as the two were best friends, so how could he forgive Ron so quickly? She suspected that something had happened during the destruction of the locket but neither acknowledged it. She felt guilty that Harry was forgiving so easily while she wasn't. But perhaps Harry's heart was as broken as hers. He had never shown much emotion but even the brooding and angst showed that Harry missed Ron dearly. She thought back to fourth year when Harry and Ron were fighting. She did her best to be with both of them but it was just never the same. They both obviously missed each other. In third year, they even went weeks without talking to her. Sometimes she thought that she was intruding on Harry and Ron's friendship, that they didn't need her.

Ron took it upon himself to volunteer for every hunt, cooking, cleaning, note taking. He had wronged them and was begging for forgiveness. Harry had already seemed to forgive him, but Ron still was worried that Harry was still angry at him. The two were best friends after all and Ron couldn't imagine what his life would be without Harry. Sometimes he thought that they balanced each other out. Harry, neglected his whole life, was desperate for a true home while Ron, often ignored, needed someone who would treat him as his own person instead of just another Weasley kid. The days in fourth year when the two were feuding were possibly some of the worst days of Ron's life. He missed his best friend more than anything during that time.

Hermione was reading at the kitchen table when Ron approached her.

"Would you like fish or quail for dinner? I'm honestly not entirely sure what a quail is but Harry says it's kind of like chicken."

She looked up from her book with a frown. Without fully meeting his eyes she said, "Fish. I wouldn't want you to have to use all your brain power trying to cook a quail." She felt the bitterness fall from her mouth. She wanted to stop, stop insulting him but she was just so angry. Even if you forgive him, he won't forgive you, she thought. She looked up to his eyes and saw some hurt there. She immediately felt guilty with her behavior.

"I'm sorry. I didn't mean that. I just—"

"It's alright Hermione. I know you're angry and you'll probably be angry at me for the rest of my life. Plus I deserve it really" he said with a chuckle, "I've been a real prick lately"

"No you haven't" she firmly said. She let her walls down. She forgot about her anger for a second. She hated it when Ron put himself down all the time. Her anger quickly resurfaced though.

"You've just—you've been helping out a lot. Thanks." She said awkwardly.

Ron tore his eyes away to start preparing the dinner. It was a small fish that they shared between the three of them. Harry and Ron talked animatedly about memories of Hogwarts, purposely keeping the conversation light. After dinner was completed. Hermione went to the bathroom to take a shower. When she returned she found Ron sitting on his bunk, deep in thought. The sound of her footsteps woke him up from his reverie. He quickly got to his feet.

"I hope dinner was ok. I tried my best. It's just hard to really make it taste like more than meat. I really take my mum for granted…" he trailed off awkwardly. "Anyway I just hope I did enough for you." With that, he walked off to go relieve Harry of his watching duty. She didn't know what came over her, but she suddenly needed to speak with him.

"Wait," she said. "The fish was really good. I'm sure your mum would be proud."

They smiled at each other, but in an instant the moment was gone and the mood darkened.

"Listen Hermione" Ron began. "I know I've said this a lot lately but I really am sorry—"

"I know Ron!" she exclaimed. "I've heard you apologize for days now. I get it. You're sorry. But sorry doesn't take anything back. It doesn't change the fact that you left us. That you left me." she said, tears welling in her eyes.

"I know, I know. I can't take anything back even though I wish so much I could. I'm responsible for everything I do and I'm responsible for my mistakes. I just want you to know that it was a mistake. Leaving you was the biggest mistake of my life and I wish I had a bloody time turner and go back so that it never happened!"

A pause passed between them.

"That's not exactly how time turners work but I appreciate the sentiment." she muttered

He instantly smiled which grew into a chuckle. His laugh is so contagious, she thought. Before she knew it they were both laughing together. It was the first real smile she had seen from him in what felt like ages and it was probably her first real smile too. The world faded around them. There were no Death Eaters or Voldemort. There was just the two of them, laughing and smiling together. As their laughter died down, Ron's face turned solemn.

"I have no right to be forgiven and maybe I shouldn't be, but I'm telling you that I'll never leave again."

There was a pull between them and before she knew it, they were hugging. She hadn't felt his warmth since the night of Bill and Fleur's wedding. She didn't forgive him entirely but she knew she was taking steps to forgiving him. He made a promise to her but she internally made a promise to herself also. She promised herself that she would never give up on him, that she had faith in him.

"You can leave" she murmured into his ear. "Just as long as you always come back."


End file.
